The series “Office” was filmed in 201 episodes, which you can literally watch in one breath.

And its main decoration is the boss Michael Scott performed by the inimitable actor Steve Carell. This character was so closely related to many types that his speeches were immediately disassembled into quotes that are extremely popular.

This is the case when the screenplay will last forever. Indeed, in each episode we find something of our own, we recognize ourselves and our colleagues.

Some of the aphoristic phrases are not immediately clear, but then, when you learn them, you can easily apply all this verbal wealth in real life. And if you haven’t watched this series until now, you have lost a lot.

The most interesting quotes by Michael Scott

This character has such a sharp humor that you will not have enough air for laughing. Over the years of his series, a huge number of funny quotes have been said.

“You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is President! You are black, Stanley!”

“I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero?… I really can’t say, but yes!”

“Do you think that doing alcohol is cool?” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Drug Testing

“Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It’s like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, ‘Hey, man, I love you this many dollars worth.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Christmas Party

“I want you to rub butter on my foot…Pam, please? I have Country Crock.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: The Injury

“That has sort of an oaky afterbirth.”

“And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”

“Is there something besides ‘Mexican’ you prefer to be called? Something less offensive?”

“Presents are the best way to show how much you care. It’s a tangible thing you can point at and say, ‘Hey man, I love you. This many dollars worth.’”

“Abraham Lincoln once said that, ‘If you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North.’ And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Diversity Day

“The people that you work with are, when you get down to it, your very best friends.”

“Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.”

“I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Money

“Abraham Lincoln once said that, ‘If you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North.’ And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.”

“I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair? Maybe! Is that what this is about?”

“Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Women’s Appreciation

“Well, well, well, how the turntables.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: Broke

“And I’m optimistic because every day I get a little more desperate.”

“I don’t come up with this stuff, I just forward it along. You wouldn’t arrest the guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.”

“I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.”

The funniest quotes by Michael Scott

Laugh with him, because he was specially made for this. In fact, behind every joke is a solid grain of truth from everyday life.

Funny quotes by Michael Scott

“I fell in love with these kids. And I didn’t want to see them fall victim to the system. So I made ’em a promise. I told them if they graduated from high school, I would pay for their college education. I have made some empty promises in my life but, hands down, that was the most generous.”

“Is there something besides ‘Mexican’ you prefer to be called? Something less offensive?” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Diversity Day

“I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage, because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: Happy Hour

“It’s a good thing Russia doesn’t exist anymore.”

“Hate to see you leave but love to watch you go. ‘Cause of your butt.”

“I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.”

“The rules of shotgun are very simple and very clear. The first person to shout ‘shotgun’ when you’re within sight of the car gets the front seat. That’s how the game’s played. There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion.”

“I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: Stress Relief

“You all took a life here today. You did. The life of the party.”

“Yes, it is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username. And I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.”

“When I discovered YouTube, I didn’t work for five days.”

“Gabe Lewis: Michael, you’ve just physically assaulted an employee. Can we talk in private?

“Hi, I’m Date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning?” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: Happy Hour

“Nobody likes beets, Dwight! Why don’t you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy.”

“I’m not usually the butt of the joke. I’m usually the face of the joke.”

“This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she’s cute now you should have seen her a couple years ago.”

“If you don’t like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus…Or the front of the bus or drive the bus.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Beach Games

“Yes it is true! I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. I need a username and I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.”

Laughing Quotes by Michael Scott

If you can not laugh while watching a series with this character, it means that you fell asleep in front of the TV. At one time, he made people literally stick to the screen, breaking the records of many ratings.

“I guess the attitude that I’ve tried to create here is that I’m a friend first and a boss second and probably an entertainer third.”

“Well, it’s love at first sight. Actually, it was… No, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Goodbye, Toby

“Do you think that doing alcohol is cool?”

“I want today to be a beautiful memory that the staff and I share after I have passed on to New York. And if Toby is a part of it, then it’ll suck.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Beach Games

“I am Michael, and I am part English, Irish, German, and Scottish…sort of a virtual United Nations.”

“Webster’s Dictionary defines wedding as: The fusing of two metals with a hot torch.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Phyllis’ Wedding

“When I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn. And this was before I had even heard of one, or seen one. I just drew a picture, of a horse, that could fly over rainbows, and a had a huge spike in its head. I was five! Five-years-old. Couldn’t even talk yet.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Local Ad

“I love my employees even though I hit one of you with my car.”

“I saved a life — my own.”

“Dwight, you ignorant slut.”

“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: The Duel

“Ryan: Did this happen on company property? Michael: It was on company property, with company property. So, double jeopardy, we’re fine. Ryan: I don’t think– I don’t think you understand how jeopardy works. Michael: Oh, I’m sorry. What is, ‘we’re fine’?” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Fun Run

“How to take off a woman’s bra: You just twist your hand until something breaks.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Ben Franklin

“Friends joke with one another. ‘Hey, you’re poor.’ ‘Hey, your momma’s dead.’ That’s what friends do.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: The Deposition

“Dwight you ignorant sl**.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Safety Training

“I am Beyonce, always.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: Body Language

“Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: The Delivery

“We’re all homos. Homo… Sapiens.”

“I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. And I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected. Even though I peed on it.”

“There were these huge bins of clothes and everybody was rifling through them like crazy. And I grabbed one and it fit! So, I don’t think that this is totally just a woman’s suit. At the very least it’s bisexual.”

Michael Scott quotes about life

Many Americans were able to recognize themselves in this character, he was so realistic. It seems that this office worker has collected everything that can make us see our own reflection.

“Well, happy birthday Jesus. Sorry that your party’s so lame.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Christmas Party

“They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you’re lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say that’s crazy. I say let them eat cake. Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.”

“Last, and possibly least, you didn’t think we’d forget, “That’s what she said!”

“Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”

Michael: “I think you’re great. You’re my best friend.”

“Well, happy birthday Jesus. Sorry that your party’s so lame.”

“I live by one rule: No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate… no. But, I live by another rule: Just do it… Nike.”

“Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly, we didn’t connect, I was miserable. Now, I am in the best relationship of my life, with the same woman. Love is a mystery.”

“I have got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: Stress Relief

“I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage, because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: Happy Hour

“Oh, this is gonna feel so good getting this thing off my chest… that’s what she said.”

“I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair? Maybe! Is that what this is about?” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Gay Witch Hunt

“Toby is in HR which technically means he works for corporate. So he’s not really a part of our family. Also he’s divorced… so he’s not really a part of his family.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Sexual Harassment

“Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: New Boss

“They say on your deathbed you never wish you spent more time at the office — but I will.”

“It takes you thirty seconds to brush your teeth? Wow, that’s ten times as long as it takes me.”

“I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Grief Counseling

“This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she’s cute now you should have seen her a couple years ago.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Pilot

“The worst thing about prison was the dementors.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: The Convict

Michael Scott Character Quotes

Michael Scott quotes

It is very difficult to characterize him from the point of view of a simple personality. This is a very multifaceted role that Steve Carell was able to portray with a huge variety of quotes.

“If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”

“Hi Holly, it’s Michael. I just wanted to call and let you know that I was thinking about what you said, it’s just… you know? It’s weird, today I ended up seeing a lot of the women that I used to date, and in my mind they were all great, and then when I actually saw them it was mostly a freak show. And you and me, that must’ve been a real train wreck. You know what? Holly, you’re wrong. You are wrong. I remember every second of us, and talking to you today, I-don’t-feel for them anything like what I feel for you. It’s… I didn’t joke with any of them, I joked with you, you were the only one who was actually happy to hear from me, and I don’t know why you downgraded what we had, but I did not make us up. Ok. Oh, and you might… you should talk to a doctor because you might have herpes. Bye!” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 7: Sex Ed

“I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one someday.”

“That’s what she said!”

“I wanna be married and have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends and no one can say ‘no’ to being my friend.”

“If you don’t like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus…Or the front of the bus or drive the bus.”

“Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.”

“Oh, this is gonna feel so good getting this thing off my chest… that’s what she said.”

“Oh, look! A Sbarro. My favorite New York pizza joint. And I’m going to go get me a New York slice!” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Valentine’s Day

“Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.”

“I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 7: Training Day

“You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to?”

“I am Beyonce, always.”

“Here it is, heart of New York City, Times Square… named for the good times you have when you’re in it.”

“No, I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Pilot

“Michael: You wanna hear a lie? Toby: What? Michael: I… think you’re great. You’re my best friend.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: Frame Toby

“Number 8. Learn how to take off a woman’s bra: You just twist your hand until something breaks.”

“People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy.”

“An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to… An office is a place where dreams come true.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: Stress Relief

“I don’t come up with this stuff, I just forward it along. You wouldn’t arrest the guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Sexual Harassment

Michael Scott quotes for every day

Look at him first, and then at yourself. In every funny situation there is a small part of us, because his image was collected from thousands of office workers around the world.

“You know what they say ‘Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice…strike three.’”

“I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Office Olympics

“I hate so much about the things you choose to be.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Casino Night

“St. Patrick’s Day is the closest thing the Irish have to Christmas.”

“You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to?” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Goodbye, Toby

“I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Grief Counseling

“It just seems awfully mean. But sometimes, the ends justify the mean.”

“Toby is in HR which technically means he works for corporate. So he’s not really a part of our family. Also he’s divorced… so he’s not really a part of his family.”

“I don’t want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would some family member who’s undergone some sort of serious physical trauma. I don’t think that’s too much to ask?”

“I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.”

“It’s not like booze ever killed anyone.”

“Toby is in HR which technically means he works for corporate. So he’s not really a part of our family. Also he’s divorced… so he’s not really a part of his family.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Sexual Harassment

“You may look around and see two groups here: white collar, blue collar. But I don’t see it that way, and you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Boys and Girls

“No, Rose, they are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs…Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what quality of life do we have there?”Related: 100+ Funny ‘How I Met Your Mother’ Quotes That Are Legen…Wait For It…Dary

“Hi, I’m Date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning?”

“No, I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.”

“It’s a pimple, Phyllis. Avril Lavigne gets them all the time and she rocks harder than anyone alive.”

“Pizza: the great equalizer.”

“I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.”

Michael Scott quotes for a narrow circle of friends

Michael Scott quotes from "The Office"

You can always joke with them, they will understand and laugh in return. Therefore, for a funny evening, be sure to memorize a few of these phrases.

“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”

“My mind is going a mile an hour.”

“Nobody should have to go to work thinking, ‘Oh this is the place that I might die today.’ That’s what a hospital is for. An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest. To the max. To…an office is a place where dreams come true.”

“An office is not for dying. An office is a place for living life to the fullest, to the max, to… an office is a place where dreams come true.”

“I learned a while back that if I do not text 9-1-1, people do not return my calls. Um, but now people always return my calls because they think that something horrible has happened.”

“Here it is, heart of New York City, Times Square… named for the good times you have when you’re in it.”

“I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Office Olympics

It’s simply beyond words. It’s incalculable.”

“Like right here is my favorite New York pizza joint. And I’m going to go get me a New York slice.”

“Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly, we didn’t connect, I was miserable. Now, I am in the best relationship of my life, with the same woman. Love is a mystery.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: The Job

“I say dance, they say ‘How high?’”

“I don’t want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would some family member who’s undergone some sort of serious physical trauma. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: The Injury

“I hate so much about the things you choose to be.”

“Jim: Wow it’s a little early for ice cream don’t you think? Michael: It’s never too early for ice cream, Jim. But we didn’t have any ice cream, so this is mayonnaise and black olives. It’s comfort food, alright?” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: The Cover-Up

“Andy Bernard: That kid is the worst. Needs to be fired, Michael. Michael Scott: He’s not the worst. Okay? He’s not the worst. You know who’s the worst? That intern we had a few years ago. That guy. Remember? That face, how ugly he was? He was the worst. Good worker, though.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 7: Nepotism

“Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don’t know if you guys know about it, but, basically, you make someone think the opposite of what you believe. And that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.”

“I’m making some cosmetic tweaks to help create a more appealing environment. Is that dishonest? Well, think of it this way: when you look in the mirror and you see your push-up bra and your fake eyelashes and your make-up and your press-on nails; the principles that I am applying to the office are the same ones that have made Lady Gaga a star… or any number of drag queens.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: The Banker

“It’s a good thing Russia doesn’t exist anymore.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: Scott’s Tots

“ Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don’t know if you guys know about it, but, basically, you make someone think the opposite of what you believe. And that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Christmas Party

Michael Scott quotes with poignant humor

Aphorisms pouring from the screen from this interesting character often hit the problem very accurately. The vision of the world from Michael Scott has repeatedly influenced many decisions and changed the course of events, bringing the discussion to the national level.

“Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train and she wasn’t moving, you might think she was dead.”

“Yes it is true! I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. I need a username and I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Take Your Daughter to Work Day

“Jim: What’d you do, Prison Mike? Michael: I stole…and I robbed…and I kidnapped the president’s son…and held him for ransom. Jim: That is quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike. Michael: And I never got caught neither. Jim: Well, you were in prison, but..mhm.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: The Convict

“I tried, I tried. I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend but that is like trying to be friends with an evil snail. I feel like I’m dying inside. I feel like Neve Campbell in Scream II. She thinks she can go off to college and be happy and then the murderer comes back and starts killing off all of her friends. I learned a lot of lessons from that movie, this is just one of them.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: Frame Toby

“Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.”

“I am a theatrical person. Growing up I always thought I would become an actor, because, I have these memorization tricks that I use. For instance, I learned the Pledge of Allegiance by singing it to the tune of Old Macdonald: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America / And to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God. / With a woof woof here and a woof woof there, here a woof, there a woof, everywhere a woof woof.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: Lecture Circuit

“The worst thing about prison was the dementors.”

“Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Booze Cruise

“Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything for anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter where. Or who, or who you are with, or where you are going or… or where you’ve been… ever. For any reason, whatsoever.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: The Duel

“The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money.”

“I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Fun Run

“I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up I would definitely not go. ” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Office Olympics

“About 40 times a year, Michael gets sick but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned.”

“Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton, mostly at work.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: The Secret

“There’s no such thing as an appropriate joke. That’s why it’s called a joke.”

“If you break that girl’s heart, I will kill you. That’s just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl’s heart, I will literally kill you and your entire family.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 7: Viewing Party

“You are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real.”

“I’ve got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.”

“I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and have worms.”

“Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.”

Topical quotes by Michael Scott

At first, we can talk about funny, bursting into laughter. But if you think about it, he often covered very serious things that require an instant decision. Many of them are still relevant, so these aphorisms will definitely come in handy for you.

“I took her to the hospital. And the doctors tried to save her life, they did the best they could. And she is going to be okay.”

“Well, it’s love at first sight. Actually, it was… No, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.”

“I have cause. It’s beCAUSE I hate him.”

“No, Rose, they are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs…Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what quality of life do we have there?” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: Stress Relief

“Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.”

“Gabe Lewis: Michael, you’ve just physically assaulted an employee. Can we talk in private? Michael Scott: Yes. Of course. What’s this in reference to?” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 7: Nepotism

“Dwight, you ignorant slut!”

“Now, you may look around and see two groups here. White collar, blue collar. But I don’t see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.”

“Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 7: Nepotism

“They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you’re lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say that’s crazy. I say let them eat cake. Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Phyllis’ Wedding

“Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.”

“I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don’t have a butler, I do it myself. So most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill, I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: The Injury

“Do I have a special someone? Well, yeah of course. A bunch of ’em. My employees.”

“I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.”

“I took her to the hospital. And the doctors tried to save her life, they did the best they could. And she is going to be okay.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Fun Run

“Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train and she wasn’t moving, you might think she was dead.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: The Client

“I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Launch Party

“I’m sinking a few, you know. Swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans!” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Basketball

“Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Fun Run

“I guess the attitude that I’ve tried to create here is that I’m a friend first and a boss second and probably an entertainer third.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Pilot

Favorite quotes from Michael Scott

This is the best part of the entire list, which summarizes what the show stands for. Be sure to read each phrase in more detail.                                                    

“Webster’s Dictionary defines wedding as: The fusing of two metals with a hot torch.”

“When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country! Ok?”

“I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up I would definitely not go.”

“Look at those wrinkles. Blacks do crack. Not crack the drug.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Survivor Man

“Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: The Negotiation

“Friends joke with one another. ‘Hey, you’re poor.’ ‘Hey, your momma’s dead.’ That’s what friends do.”

“I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.”

“I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: The Convention

“I am a huge Woody Allen fan. Although I’ve only seen ‘Antz.’ But I’ll tell you something, what I respect about that man is that when he was going through all of that stuff that came out in the press, about how ‘Antz’ was just a ripoff of ‘A Bug’s Life,’ he stayed true to his films. Or at least the film that I saw, which, again, was ‘Antz.’ Thing is, I thought ‘A Bug’s Life’ was better, much better than ‘Antz.’ Point is, don’t listen to your critics. Listen to your fans.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 7: Threat Level Midnight

“Occasionally I’ll hit someone with my car. So sue me.”

“I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.”

“That was offensive and lame. So double offensive. This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.”

“It’s not like booze ever kil*** anyone.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Booze Cruise

“I want today to be a beautiful memory that the staff and I share after I have passed on to New York. And if Toby is a part of it, then it’ll suck.”

“Hate to see you leave but love to watch you go. ‘Cause of your butt.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: The Cover-Up

“Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them.”

“Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Women’s Appreciation

“Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything for anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter where. Or who, or who you are with, or where you are going or… or where you’ve been… ever. For any reason, whatsoever.”

“Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.”

“I want you to rub butter on my foot…Pam, please? I have Country Crock.”

Michael Scott quotes from «Office» TV series

Quotes from Michael Scott

Perhaps this show raised more people than some careless teachers. The realities of office life from Michael Scott really reflect all the fuss of these human anthills and the complexity of relationships through sparkling phrases.

“We’re all homos. Homo… Sapiens.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Gay Witch Hunt

“That was offensive and lame. So double offensive. This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Diversity Day

“My, philosophy is, basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don’t, ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or, or where you’ve been. Ever. For any reason. Whatsoever.”

“Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Traveling Salesmen

“Ok, too many different words from coming at me from too many different sentences.”

“If you break that girl’s heart, I will kill you. That’s just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl’s heart, I will literally kill you and your entire family.”

“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”

“I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don’t have a butler, I do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill, I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon.”

“Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Fun Run

“I’m not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn’t even close. Then I thought maybe by 40, but by 40 I had less money than I did when I was 30.”

“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: The Fight

“It is St. Patrick’s Day….It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: The Delivery

“You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is President! You are black, Stanley!” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: Stress Relief

“If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”

“I say dance, they say ‘How high?’” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: St. Patrick’s Day

“No, I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Pilot

“It’s simply beyond words. It’s incalculable.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Pilot

“Oh God, my mind is going a mile an hour.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: The Cover-Up

“I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.”

“There is no greater feeling than when two people who are perfect for each other overcome all obstacles, and find true love.”

“Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.”

“Ok, too many different words from coming at me from too many different sentences.” Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: Mafia

“Bros before ho**. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They’ve got your back after your hoe rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho*. And you told her she was the only ho* for you. And that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then, suddenly she is not your ho* no mo.”

“It’s never too early for ice cream.”

Michael Scott we deserve

Sometimes directors don’t need to come up with overly complex scenarios to win popularity with audiences. The series “The Office” is no exception to the rule.

This is proof that the viewer expects something closer to real life than special effects, computer graphics and fictional worlds. No wonder there is an opinion that all the jokes were taken from real life. Michael Scott and his quotes prove it to us in every episode.

Even if you are not working in an office now, you once passed between this rock and a hard place. This is a real school of life, familiar to most adults. And everyone will find something particularly interesting in Michael Scott’s list of quotes.